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bad endings

I'm tired of good beginnings ending badly. Relationships just seem so often to be a struggle.

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  • After a while, we just start having more and more arguments, sometimes over things that seem trivial afterwards, or over issues that just go on and on.

    • I'm tired of meeting other people's expectations or demands. Sometimes I just have to let the pressure out.

    • What starts as a simple disagreement somehow escalates into a big row.

    • When I try being more open with my feelings, I just get knocked back, or put down.

  • The trouble is, after the initial infatuation wears off and people get back to being their normal selves, it's either hard not to be disappointed, or to live up to expectations.

    • I know what relationships should be like, it's just that reality rarely meets up to expectations. There's no point in hanging on if you'll just be hoping for a better match.

    • I wish I could be accepted more for who I really am. I'd like to be appreciated for more than what I'm usually noticed for.

    • Rather than risk rejection, when there are signs of things not being quite right, it's better to: call it off first / not let them out of your sight / try harder to be flawless / etc.

  • What is it about me / men / women? Why so much fear or issues over commitment / freedom / intimacy / space / sharing feelings / compatibility / ... Or, why am I so unlucky?

    • The more I try to show how much I love someone, the more they seem to back away. When I stop showing it, they feel rejected. If only it was easier to share intimacy.

    • There's a certain closeness I find very challenging to cope with, where if someone wanted to they could hurt me. Besides, it's better to be free.

    • Isn't 'space' just a code word for "I don't want to be with you any more"?

    • I guess I'm just unlucky. There's always something in the way, either the chemistry isn't mutual, there's commitment issues, or we're just not very compatible.

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