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Is there something you'd like to change in your relationships?

If there is something, big or small, you'd like to change in your relationships then you'll know that sometimes those changes can be difficult.

If you're looking for some quick relationships advice, start with the questions below (Just click on the statements you most agree with for instant advice on everything from getting more intimacy, understanding and acceptance, to bringing more excitement and passion into a relationship, to overcoming fears, and much more).

Whether you're generally happy and just looking for a few tips, or you're completely lost in the area of personal relationships, "Healthy Loving Relationships" is about helping to clear the road ahead, wherever you're at.

current relationships satisfaction

Which statements do you most agree with?

  • I'm generally happy with my relationships. There's just a few things I'd like to work better.

    • My sex life is the main area I'd like to change (or other issues with physical attraction).

      • Sex life? What sex life? For some reason the mutual chemistry isn't there from the start.

      • It's great for a while but then the passion just ebbs away.

      • I, or my partner, find it hard to relax, or to 'let go'. (Including feeling shame, frustration, or orgasm and 'performance' issues.)

      • I am (or my partner is) sexually attracted to other people, even though we love each other. I feel bad about it.

    • I'd like to understand and be understood by those closest to me better.

      • Sometimes I just don't know how to say what I'd like, without risking upsetting them.

      • I find it hard to show that I understand, without them thinking that I'm analysing or judging them.

      • I'd like to be closer and share more feelings. I want intimacy, but I don't want to come across as needy or strange.

    • I'd like my partnerships to be more intimate and long lived.

      • There's a point were a great relationship starts to become hard work, even though we still have chemistry. Finding someone else is no trouble, but I'd like more of a solid partnership, that stays fun.

      • I actually don't mind having short relationships at all, except that it seems like something I should grow out of.

      • It's not that we fall out, it's just that things get less interesting and exciting, or we don't have a sense of what we're building together. I don't know how to stop that from happening.

  • I'm tired of good beginnings ending badly. Relationships just seem so often to be a struggle.

    • After a while, we just start having more and more arguments, sometimes over things that seem trivial afterwards, or over issues that just go on and on.

      • I'm tired of meeting other people's expectations or demands. Sometimes I just have to let the pressure out.

      • What starts as a simple disagreement somehow escalates into a big row.

      • When I try being more open with my feelings, I just get knocked back, or put down.

    • The trouble is, after the initial infatuation wears off and people get back to being their normal selves, it's either hard not to be disappointed, or to live up to expectations.

      • I know what relationships should be like, it's just that reality rarely meets up to expectations. There's no point in hanging on if you'll just be hoping for a better match.

      • I wish I could be accepted more for who I really am. I'd like to be appreciated for more than what I'm usually noticed for.

      • Rather than risk rejection, when there are signs of things not being quite right, it's better to: call it off first / not let them out of your sight / try harder to be flawless / etc.

    • What is it about me / men / women? Why so much fear or issues over commitment / freedom / intimacy / space / sharing feelings / compatibility / ... Or, why am I so unlucky?

      • The more I try to show how much I love someone, the more they seem to back away. When I stop showing it, they feel rejected. If only it was easier to share intimacy.

      • There's a certain closeness I find very challenging to cope with, where if someone wanted to they could hurt me. Besides, it's better to be free.

      • Isn't 'space' just a code word for "I don't want to be with you any more"?

      • I guess I'm just unlucky. There's always something in the way, either the chemistry isn't mutual, there's commitment issues, or we're just not very compatible.

  • I'm completely lost when it comes to relationships. Perhaps there is something wrong with me?

    • I'm afraid to share my feelings. I clam up rather that let someone know I care, feel attraction, or that I want to know them better.

      • I feel ashamed or guilty for the way I feel. I think my feelings are inappropriate/ wrong/ sinful/ impure/ bad/ etc.

      • It would be so humiliating if they let me know I didn't mean anything to them, if I shared how I felt.

      • I know that sharing strong feelings directly can make others uncomfortable, so I just hope they'll guess without me having to spell it out.

      • I'm afraid they'll take it the wrong way. Just because I feel like this today, doesn't mean I'll feel the same way forever.

    • It's not that I'm afraid, I just don't know what to do or say to have an intimate personal relationship.

      • I find it hard to tell when someone is interested in me, or when I do get an idea I don't know how to react.

      • I really struggle with going from intimate conversation or 'just friends' to physical intimacy. It just seems awkward most of the time.

      • I don't know how to start a close relationship with someone without having sex soon after we start dating, but it always seems to end badly.

      • The first stages are OK, I just don't know how to build a meaningful relationship that lasts.

    • I can't stop thinking about the past. I get so sad or angry sometimes. I don't see things ever changing.

      • I think because I was hurt so much in the past I must be a bad person, or that I deserved to be treated like that.

      • Maybe there's just no justice in the world, but I have to try and understand why what happened, happened.

      • Sometimes I see the person I'm with is just like a person from my past. That's when the relationship falls apart.

Click in the statements above to find out more, and to get your free chapters! (to browse all guidance click here)

From practical, everyday relationship and dating advice, to guidance on resolving conflicts, to simple steps for using more of (and developing) your emotional intelligence, it's all freely available on this site, and in the book.

There are a few very effective approaches to creating positive change, strengthening connections and deepening understanding in relationships. But they are not secrets.

There may be a few surprises, but often the key steps to success, whatever the type of relationship, are things you already know. Sometimes though we need to take a step back and consider a different perspective to jog our memory or to help us make better use of our own experience. "HLR" is here to help.

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